CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN

I wanted to share this poem with everyone who had a loss this year.  Our retired pastor passed away in June and his wife shared this poem with us recently.  She found it in the final folder in his desk...a sweet Christmas card to all of us who needed to hear his words of wisdom one more time...






I see the countless CHRISTMAS TREES around the world below
with tiny lights like HEAVEN'S STARS reflecting on the snow.




The sight is so SPECTACULAR please wipe away that tear
for I am spending CHRISTMAS WITH JESUS CHRIST this year.




I hear the many CHRISTMAS SONGS that people hold so dear
but the SOUND OF MUSIC can't compare with the CHRISTMAS CHOIR up here.




I have no words to tell you of the JOY their voices bring
for it is beyond description to HEAR THE ANGELS SING.




I know HOW MUCH YOU MISS ME, I see the pain inside your heart
for I am spending CHRISTMAS WITH JESUS CHRIST this year.




I can't tell you of the SPLENDOR or the PEACE here in this place
Can you just imagine CHRISTMAS WITH OUR SAVIOR face to face.




I'll ask him to LIFT YOUR SPIRIT as I tell him of your love
so then PRAY FOR ONE ANOTHER as you lift your eyes above.




Please let your HEARTS BE JOYFUL and let your SPIRIT SING
for I am spending CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN and I'm walking WITH THE KING.




By Wanda Bencke 1999

A WORK OF ART

We had a memorial service for my mom yesterday. She died on July 18, 2014 at the age of 88.  I knew I would not be able to speak about her without crying like a baby so I wrote this poem. My son-in-law, Brad, read it as part of the service.


Dear master artist,

            Could you possibly make

An art piece about our mom,

            But what could you make?

More than just a painting

To display her beauty on;

How about a mobile, that’s art,

With lots of moving parts?

What would we use

To represent our mom?

She wore so many hats,

            How can we choose?

 

 

For sure a spool of thread,

Cause she held us all together,

And needles, a variety of kinds…

Not just for sewing,

But knitting, crocheting and

            Don’t forget her tatting.

She didn’t just make us clothing

            To look our very best,

She decorated all our homes

            To make our nest the best!

Whatever her endeavor,

Her style and perfection always did shine through.

 

 

There will have to be a book,

For she was always reading one.

She was our source of knowledge,

            But don’t forget the fun.

Histories were her favorite

            But so was Dr. Seuss!

She read everything from Hannibal

To good old Mother Goose.

 

 

We can’t forget the garden,

            Her favorite place to be!

There needs to be wildflowers,

            But which ones would they be?

How about a bluebonnet? Or a purple-red wine cup?

And don’t forget the yarrow.

Can we stop at only three?

            We’ll work that out tomorrow.

 

 

 

I can hear the grandkids screaming, “Cookies!

            That’s who our grandma was!”

She made so very many: wreaths and candy canes,

            Pinwheels, tassies and mincemeat tarts.

The recipes we have

            But not her smarts!

Her number one ingredient…love,

Straight from her heart.

 

 

Add a bird because she loved her feathered friends,

            She’d watch their feedings with great delight.

She’d find their names in her book

            And keep watch if squirrels came into sight.

She taught us to watch the robin

 As he listened for his worm

And laugh at the little wrens flitting

As they waited their turn.

 

 

We need to add a bunny.

            They were her newest friends.

They lived under the bushes,

            Outside her window, where the sidewalk ends.        

Big ones and baby ones

            Hopping all over the place.

Two boxing bunnies were her favorites.

            They’d put a smile on her face.

 

 

We need to add some tiny bells

            To add a cheerful sound,

Cause Mama added laughter

            When ever she came around.

Everyone who knew her

            Will remember her laughter best,

For her gift to make us giggle

            Seemed to be her greatest quest.

           

 

Add to the mix a crystal,

A cut crystal heart.

For Mama collected crystal

For its beauty and its art.

It could spin and reflect the sunshine,

To make a rainbow on the wall,

Bringing beauty and color,

            But most of all…

To help us remember Mama

And her love for us all.

FATHER KNOWS BEST

I want to write about a blessing the Lord has given me but I'm afraid of sounding prideful.  I am very humbled by His blessing and I think other women would benefit from my sharing.  It has to do with submission.  Submission is something I struggle with daily. 

I was raised by a strong woman who stressed to  her daughters and granddaughters to be strong willed and independent.  I'm not as tough as Mama but my bark and my bite can be pretty vicious.  What I use to think was standing up for myself, is too harsh in most circles.  I've seen the need for quite some time to learn how to speak the truth in love.  What a feminist would call truth, most men would call something entirely different. 

 

When I asked Jesus to be Lord of my life, my independent attitude brought about strong conviction that I needed to "renew my mind."   The Bible clearly teaches we are (1) to love God and to trust and obey His Word (2) to love one another; (3) to treat others as we want to be treated; and as women we are (4) to submit to our husbands. Three out of four ain't bad but my upbringing brought me to a screeching halt on number four.  My sisters in Christ spoke often about submission and before long I felt like I must be damaged because I wasn't going to be able to pull this off.  I wanted to be obedient to God's Word but this...I could never do this. 

 

I learned first that being submissive didn't mean being a door mat for anyone to wipe their feet on.  Jesus is always to be my example for my behavior.  He was the most submissive person who ever lived but He was also the strongest.  Jesus never did anything He didn't want to do or plan to do.  His strength was in His quiet submission to the Father's will, not His own will or the will of men.  But guess what? I'm no Jesus.

 

I finally figured out it all came down to choice.  I was not built with "submission" as part of my DNA but I could choose to be obedient to God's will, I could choose to be submissive.  It wasn't long after that, that I discovered choice also played a huge part in forgiveness.  I could choose to forgive even when I didn't feel like it.  God's Word says I am to forgive others so He will forgive me.  I will always choose to forgive those who have sinned against me. It may take time but in gratitude to Jesus who died so I could be forgiven of my sins...all of them, I choose forgiveness.  I can also choose to be loving, gentle, kind, joyful, peaceful, etc. When I do choose God's will, I find the one thing I never thought I could have...submission to my husband.      

 

When Mike and I were searching for a church home back in 2003, I pretty much made the choice.  Mike originally had concerns but he stayed and became completely involved in the children's ministry, the administrative counsel and leading a Small Group in our home. The Holy Spirit was definitely there and we both grew in our faith. God used this time to fine tune our gifts: mine for teaching and Mike's for leadership.  We dreamed together of leading a scripture-by-scripture Bible study some day.

 

After five years we agreed it was time to leave and find another church home.  This time Mike would choose the church because I had chosen to be a submissive wife, respecting my husband as the spiritual leader of our home.   We bounced around from church to church for several years.  More than once, I was ready to bolt and make my own choice when we didn't agree.  I was submitting but not with my whole heart. I'm sure Mike would say I wasn't submitting with my mouth either.  My faith muscles were being stretched to the point of pain.  To me it felt like we were wondering in the  desert without access to living water.  I kept praying for God to lead Mike to the church He had for us and to give me patience, NOW!!!

 

We started visiting Mike's childhood church...First Baptist Church Thorp Spring.  They had had a split in their fellowship and the membership was down to around 50 people, mostly elderly folks in their 70's, 80's, 90's and no children at all.  The preaching was great and Bro. Alvin was on our doorstep every week inviting us to join their fellowship.   

 

After three months Mike said the Lord was leading us to join FBCTS because He had very clearly been telling Mike to "get back to your roots."  My first reaction was...NO WAY!  Old time Baptist condemnation and me a reformed feminist; no more contemporary music; no women's fellowship...these topped my list of concerns!  I was in a panic but we continued to attend and Mike was more and more certain this was God's plan for us.  I finally said "yes" and we joined but it was not an easy choice for me.  I did submit to God and to Mike but my trust and faith were stretched to the max.

Today, two and a half years later, a visiting lay preacher told us he had received a call from God to enter the ministry and he had submitted himself to God's call.  My conscience took a hit because when I was 18 years old and got God's call to come to Him, I turned and went my own way (see my blog called "Available" for details about that event).  Finally, 40 years later, I had turned back to God and said "here I am."  With that step of submission, God brought about the blessings I had received from our former Small Group and the gift of my passion for studying and teaching God's Word.  

Last Sunday as I listened to the speaker talk of the blessings he and his family were receiving since he committed to God's call, I was able to see God's hand of blessing on Mike and I.  For the last two and a half years we have been leading a scripture-by-scripture Bible Study.  The class members are always so wonderful to tell us how much they love our class and blessing us with their praises. I always reply, "Thank you but you don't understand...I'm the one who is blessed.  I am allowed to do what I love to do, study God's word and pass it on to others." 

Sunday night I realized, God blessed us with the Bible Study of our dreams as a result of our faithful obedience for following His design for submission:  Mike submitted to God's leadership as he prayed for God to lead us; and I submitted to my husband's leadership as I prayed for God to lead my husband.

 Moses said it this way in God's Word: Deuteronomy 28:13 "The Lord will make you the head, not the tail.  If you pay attention to the commands of the Lord your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, never at the bottom."  Jesus' words say it this way in Luke 11:28: "He replied, 'Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.'"

The thing I struggled against for so long, submission, I now see as my blessing.  Jesus was right...Father does know best!

 

 

 

           

WHEN GRIEF VISITS

After the chaos, destruction and death from last night’s storms, here is the message God sent today in the daily devotional book I have. 

 

WHEN GRIEF VISITS

 

“God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us…”  2 Corinthians 7:6

 

Grief visits all of us who live long and love deeply.  When we lose a loved one, or when we experience any other

profound loss, darkness overwhelms us for a while, and it seems as if we cannot summon the strength to face another day-

but, with God’s help, we can.

 

Thankfully, God promises that He is “close to the brokenhearted” (Psalm 34:18).  In times of intense sadness, we can turn to Him,

and we can turn to close friends and family.  When we do, we can be comforted…in time we will be healed.

 

Concentration camp survivor Corrie ten Boom noted, “There is no pit so deep that God’s love is not deeper still.” 

Let us remember those words and live by them…especially when the days seem dark.

 

“The grace of God runs downhill toward the ones who are emptied and vulnerable,

toward the ones who admit that they struggle.”  Angela Thomas

 

 

Besides roofs and windshields, we are good.  Hope all of you can say the same.  It was comforting to read this and know that God is on His throne, loving us and all those who are hurting today.  Help us to be the hands and feet of Jesus for all those in need. 

 

 

 

 

STAYING HEALTHY

Below is an email I sent to our health insurance company a week ago.  I have not received any communication from them to date. 

We had recently attended a health fair for our company and had received our test results in the mail.  We were told to input our information on our "health profile" as a way to ultimately save us money.  Over the years our health insurance has provided less and less coverage, to the point that doctor bills can upset our budget pretty quickly.  We follow any procedures that can save us money. 

After taking the survey, the health survey summary showed I was at high risk in several categories...weight, blood pressure, exercise, nutrition...no surprises there.  BUT...at the top of the list was "cancer" and it said "existing condition." 

I was stunned!  I had input my diagnosis date as September 17, 1997 and my remission date...the date given to me by my oncologist...September 17, 1997; the date of my surgery...my colon resection, the date of the pathology report showing cancer, the date the surgeon removed the tumor.   I'm a 16 year cancer survivor. 

I must have done something wrong on this survey but the computer program would not let me go back and see what I had input.  Surprise turned to fear and then fear to anger, hence the letter.

Not receiving any reply...again, I am stunned. 

To Whom It May Concern:

The computer will not allow me to go back into my health survey to review my entry as to why my final results show I have an “existing condition” for cancer.  I am a 16 year survivor of colon cancer.  I do NOT have an existing condition and for this health survey to state otherwise is WRONG and just plain hurtful. 

If the purpose of your health survey is to scare people, you have succeeded.    

I pray you (I hope this is read by an actual human being not just another computer counting beans for some insurance company) or someone you love never receives a diagnosis of cancer.  Your world is changed…forever.  BUT…you listen to the doctors as they give you their best advice; you and your family discuss the choices you have to make; you choose your plan for treatment; prepare your finances and your life for a 180 degree turn around; and you pray, your family prays, everyone who knows you or anyone in your family prays, people you don’t even know pray.

When treatment is done you visit the doctor regularly for your…monthly, then every three months, then every six months, then every year…check-up just to be sure your body hasn’t betrayed you, again.  After each check-up you breathe a deep, deep sigh of relief. After year number five, the doctor releases you and you are no longer a cancer patient.  You and your family celebrate and you begin to live life believing…I’m good.  God has walked with me through the fire and I am good, praise God.

After the really big tests…for me that is a colonoscopy every five years…you celebrate again. You don’t even realize you and your family still have a small dark spot inside your hearts that keeps praying, “not again, Lord, please, not again.”  When the doctor says, “looks good…see you in five more years,”  you don’t even realize how tense you were until you hear the doctor’s good report.  You smile a little bigger and you feel light on your feet.  God is good!

I am a regular participant in Relay For Life here in Hood County, Texas.  I was a team captain for years and I have always urged every survivor I knew to join in for the benefit of the newest cancer patients attending Relay for the first time.  All I had to say to these survivors was, “remember how you felt when you got your diagnosis.  You represent hope to these folks.”  They proudly wear their purple tee shirts that say “survivor” across the back and march as a parade of Hope together.  I met a lot of new survivors at our last Relay here in Hood County on April 19^th and every time I got to tell them I was a 16 year survivor, their eyes grew wider and then they would smile the biggest smile…that’s why I Relay!

I’m writing to you today in hopes you will make a change to your health survey as it regards, not just my history with cancer but all, cancer survivors.  My other test results place me in various higher risk categories, which I accept as logical and accurate.  I may be at a higher risk for cancer but I do NOT have an existing condition.  Once I past that five year marker, I’m good and all other cancer survivors deserve the same consideration.

If you do not make this change to your health survey, then your motives are clear.  You wish only to scare people as a way to save money for your organization, not to work with your membership in partnership for the benefit of all…healthier members and healthier bottom line.

Sincerely,


Update:  After 3 weeks the insurance company was able to help me get rid of my "existing condition" issue.  They are indeed miracle workers...the solution:  I never had cancer at all!  That's one way of getting rid of your "existing condition"...change your info.  Guess what?  I'm on my way to rapid weight loss and perfect blood pressure too!  When insurance companies practice medicine, everyone is healthy.  Is that a bad thing? 

 

THINK ABOUT IT

I have been going through a time of trial and testing.  Count it all joy…I am on the other side!  Our Papa is an awesome God and I wanted to share what He has done.

Most of you have heard that old story about the person walking down the street who falls in a hole and works so hard to get out, only to go down the same street again and again and keeps falling in the same hole. The person in the story is me. That’s my story. I keep falling in the same hole. This time I got out pretty quickly because this time I wasn't struggling by myself.  I was not alone.

 

Thank you, with hugs and kisses, to all my sisters in Christ for your prayers and support. 

I tend to go down the same road again and again. My road has me believing I am in control, that I can fix everyone and everything.  I brought this belief before my ladies' fellowship group, Glory Girls, seeking confirmation for my current I-can-fix-everything-and-everyone project.  My sisters set me straight pretty fast...WRONG! Then the Holy Spirit held up His mirror of truth in front of my face and said, “yes, Princess…you’re the problem.  You’re in denial.  All you can fix is you.”  But how, Lord?   

I had recently been to Celebrate Recovery to hear and support my dear sister, Lisa, as she gave her testimony.  While I was there, I gathered information for my project.  Of course I read all the materials to make sure this would fit into my plan.  I knew Celebrate Recovery was the Godly version of a 12 step program for alcohol and drug recovery.  I did not know it was open to any and all those trying to overcome any trial…grief, divorce, over eating, codependency, abuse.  It can also be for the healing of an entire family as they try to recover from various trials. I found out Celebrate Recovery had been around for a long time and originated at Rick Warren’s (author of Purpose Driven Life) church in California. 

My denial is typical of codependent behavior, making Celebrate Recovery a good fit for me.  I told the Glory Girls I planned to attend Celebrate Recovery for help and asked for their prayers.  "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man (or woman) is powerful and effective." James 5:16.  My healing began.

Glory Girl, Kaaren, said she and her husband also planned to attend Celebrate Recovery.  Now I wouldn’t have to make this step alone...thank you Lord.  Having Kaaren and Richard with me has helped, a lot.  

Everyone at Celebrate Recovery quickly went from being strangers to family by being honest, open, friendly, loving God and loving others.  Celebrate’s program is based on the beatitudes of Christ.  My small group is all women, codependents like me.  I learn a lot by listening and sharing in my group. I’ve been going to Celebrate Recovery for a month now.

 

This step has helped me realize that I was trying to control my future.  I thought if I could just put all the right words together, I was going to save everyone from, what I felt certain was going to be, a disaster.  I was full to overflowing with fear. That fear took me right back to all my old feelings from my past and my past was a mess…abandonment, betrayal, sexual molestation, divorce, rebellion, unforgivness, bitterness, and regret upon regret. I was projecting all my feelings from the past onto my present life. 

 

Needless to say, that made the present not very pleasant for me or my poor husband.  That's what made the present so crazy, because my present is good. Even with our troubles and my mom’s cancer, everyone is doing well.  Our family is safe and secure and my mom is feeling better than she has in years.  I am married to my best friend.  We are good.  Together we love God, one another, our family and our life.  Mike is a strong man of God.  We are blessed to lead a bible study together at our church and we are loving the fellowship we have with our church family.  We are blessed.

 

God surrounded me with wise counsel from several Godly friends who have walked some of the same paths I'm currently on.  They helped me see I had to let go of anything that was not "me." They lovingly helped me past the guilty feelings I was having about my inability to fix everyone and everything, reminding me to "let go and let God." 

 

Did you know there are more than four lines to the Serenity Prayer?  Here is the entire prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr:

 

Prayer for Serenity



 God, grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time,

enjoying one moment at a time;

accepting the hardships as a pathway to peace;

taking as Jesus did,

this sinful world as it is,

not as I would have it;

trusting that You will make all things right

if I surrender to Your will;

so that I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen

 



After one especially hard "counseling session," more commonly known as "lunch," with my friend Kat, I left the cafe for a little retail therapy.  I found myself in a cute shop full of beautiful plaques, painting, posters, bookmarks, magnets..all with words of wisdom. In the last room, I fell in love. All four walls were covered, floor to ceiling, with this incredible art.  Every piece spoke to me.  I wanted to take it all home but after checking my wallet, I settled on a journal. 

The cover art on my journal is a mixture of painting, decoupage, pretty papers and fabric. In typeface was printed the word "fearless." The inside page says, "embrace the journey."  I was overcome with emotion and had to leave the room before I lost it.  I had to give a lot of thought as to why this art was speaking so loudly to me.  Later I realized, the words on each piece of the art in that room were affirmations of God's love.  It took my breath away, I was so overwhelmed.  The name of the store...Angels with Attitude!  No kidding!  Don't you love it when God wraps you in His arms and reminds you just how much He loves you? 

After getting my feet planted in the present; realizing my fears were the driving force; I then asked a prayer warrior, Lisa, to intercede for me.  I knew I still needed help sorting through a bunch of my emotional garbage.  Mike knew I was struggling, but at that point I believed another woman could better handle the emotions and feelings I was dealing with, without getting overwhelmed.  He understood and offered his loving support to help in any way he could. 

With Lisa's help I acknowledged I had someone in my life I needed to forgive.  I made the choice to forgive this person and with God's help I will continue to walk in forgivness.  Letting my unforgivness go has helped me in other areas. I did not realize I was also holding onto bitterness and resentment toward those who had already forgiven this person.  My false belief:  they were taking sides against me.  No...they were walking in truth, God's truth on forgivness:  "If we confess our sins (unforgivness) he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."  1 John 1:9. I do feel purified and it feels good!  Bitterness and resentment are released, gone.  Forgivness frees the prisoner, and the prisoner was me!

I also found the source of my fear.  I was looking way down the road, into a future that was yet to come.  I saw danger signs, based on past experiences, believing that in the future Mike and I would be torn apart by our troubles.  My fear...loosing my relationship with Mike. 

 

My worries about tomorrow resurrected my feelings from my past, destroying my blessings for today. God used my entire trial to demonstrate how my worries, fears and feelings were all tied together in one lie. My feelings were true enough in my past but had nothing to do with today. And tomorrow?  "'...do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.'" Matthew 6:34. 

 

 I told Mike about the lies I was believing and the truth God had given me.  Mike's understanding and love are a part of my present, my here and now.  That is huge for me considering my past. Me being me, made it really hard to admit to Mike, my sisters in Christ and my new family at Celebrate Recovery that I had a problem and I needed help.  

God is walking with me as I take the lessons I've learned from this trial into a time of practical application in my daily life.  I have prayed for years for the Lord to show me...me! To show me what is my part in the miscommunications and arguments I find myself a part of. He seems to be answering this prayer daily.  It's like my daily bread is being served on a mirrored platter, reflecting the true me.  

 

I acknowledged to God I have a lot of bad habits and 66 years of nasty behavior to overcome.  I asked the Lord to help me by giving me awareness in that moment when what I'm about to say will not be the loving thing to say.  As I wrote "help me, Lord" in my journal, a piece of paper fell from the back of my journal onto the floor.  I finished writing the full sentence, then picked up the piece of paper. It was a note, in my handwriting, from months ago. It was something I wanted to keep, but had totally forgotten about.  It said:  Before you speak...think! 

                                                                      T - is it true? 

                                                                      H - is it helpful?

                                                                       I - is it inspiring?

                                                                      N - is it necessary?

                                                                      K - is it kind?

God's timing is perfect. I love you Lord.  "They cried to you and were saved; in you they trusted and were not disappointed." Psalm 22:5. 

The person in the story who keeps going down the same street, falling in the same hole; at the end of that story, that person finally goes down a different street.  Keep me in your prayers.  Pray that person is me!